I decided to attend Kirkwood Community College because they have been known as the school that has an “easy transition” to almost any four year university. its literally 15 minutes from my house. I take the easy route by taking the interstate, listening to the Bobby Bones show and cruising at an easy 60 mph while slowing down to 55 while going under the speed-cameras.
i’m in a predicament because i applied for the leaders for tomorrow scholarship, worth $3,000 and received it for this school year, wishing i took the ACT for the fourth time in order to get a point higher, a 25, in order to basically get a “free ride” presidential scholarship worth $5,000. ugh. so i came to Kirkwood because of their smooth transition and scholarships.
so far this year, everything has came fairly easy. during “welcome week” i attended almost every event in order to meet people. when mason (bf of 2.3 years) had class on that wednesday night, i asked my friend Allie to join me at the rec center for the activity-place that night. it was a great night…if i was single? i don’t know i’m really not good at being “friendly” without feeling the need to establish my intentions with every single guy that i meet. seriously! i’m too nice and it sucks. that night was awesome though because i played almost 4 hours straight of sand volleyball which was thrilling and at the end of the night they had a drawing for some stuff, somebody didn’t show up, they drew again, and i won the newest FitBit. Allie and I met this guy named Matt that night, who found us in the cafe the next day and the next day. we were new people to this new school, we wanted to be as friendly and open-feeling as possible, right? holy moly because he got weird. just he way he talked and looked at me, made me feel so uncomfortable and i can honestly say that i haven’t seen him since the third week of school. its not that I’m a mean or “judgy” person, its just that when people don’t try to try and make other friends and complain that we are his only friends everyday, hello! you’re getting annoying.
i’m living at home. because it’s “cheaper.” yes, cheaper money-wise but cheaper socially-wise? not really! i haven’t went to any parties or made any friends enough to have them to ask me to come over to their place and hangout even. i shouldn’t be complaining, though, because sometimes i don’t particularly come off as an “open” person, for example my comp class, monday, wednesday and friday at 8 am, the first day i found a girl who looked normal and dressed nice and looked prepared for class like i usually am about 98% of the time. her name was Audrey and told me all about her upcoming trip to Disney with her family, and i told her how jealous i was and yada yada yada. one of those first weeks she skipped on a wednesday and on the friday i asked her where she was. she said: “i was too tired i couldn’t get out of bed” she could’ve just slid her fingers down a chalkboard because that is my number one turn off. people who don’t commit, don’t give 95-110% of their time to what is really needed is completely pathetic. you’re paying for school, probably not on a scholarship so out of your parent’s sweet pockets, and not going on the second day? auuugh! I haven’t really talked to her since, our “relationship” never really became anything when she skipped more often and often, once asking for the quotes she missed and me just showing her my notebook, not giving it to her, i think that also pissed her off.
I am in student ambassadors, which is something to help me feel completely involved at Kirkwood. yeah, no everyone already like had their lil-groupies when i got there. i met this girl named Madi, total cutie pie with a short brown curly head of hair that i am ultimately jealous of. yeah, but she parties like 24/7 and don’t get me wrong, i’d love to but more like 24/2 on the weekend because hello, schoolwork? I’m nervous for what the rest of the year will hold, but i know i just gotta keep breathing and taking one day at a time. its going to SUCK. Allie comes in clutch because, thankful for me, i told her to apply for student ambassadors and she got accepted! little did i know she’d become best friends with this one girl and therefore has turned completely fake on me. hi, what did i do to deserve this? last week i was trying to tell her about my totally shitty day and i was going to talk to nick and nick (ambassador leaders) about what i should do about my classes for next semester and she had to come you know, but totally didn’t care about anything else i said.
so i currently have no friends. right? mason, but he doesn’t really count because he’s not a girl, plain and simple. i want girl friends, but i’m not good at all with keeping them. i loose trust to them once they talk to Mason (ahem Allie) just because i guess i am that way. there is this girl named Loren i met at the scholarship banquet who is also in my math class. i literally talked to her the other day and somehow it came up how we both were 4.00 gpa students in high school and how its so disappointing when we get our tests back a lower grade than expecting. we are both hard workers and want to try in the school-work life. what! i need to get her digits, but not seem too interested because i don’t want to invite myself into her life, that would be bad.
so finally to get to my point, i’m dreading but trying to decide weather to move out of my parents’ house or not, would 250$ a month be worth the sociality i would gain of it? i would love it because i wouldn’t have to put up with telling my mom about where i am every night or make my dad feel bad when i don’t come home for dinner. i can tell you i am 95% sure i would not be home-sick whatsoever, but also idk if i’d really like to share a kitchen and dining room with 3 girls, strangers, people who may/may not like me?! shit. i’m nervous but i have lost complete faith that i will ever make friends and if i were to loose mason, really not have anyone to talk to. i need somebody.